


Disappointing Idols

by tptigger



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV), The Muppet Show
Genre: Crack Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:36:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28291746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tptigger/pseuds/tptigger
Summary: Julie and the Phantoms play The Muppet Show. Hijinks ensue.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Disappointing Idols

**Author's Note:**

  * For [horchata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/horchata/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide Horchata! I hope you like cracky crossovers!

Julie wasn't sure why the guys were so hyped about doing something called The Muppet Show--but it was a paying gig, it was on TV, and it seemed silly to pass up, so here she was, in an old fashioned dressing room with a white trimmed mirror, a couple of chairs, and boxes full of old costumes (feather boas, something that looked like a Sherlock Holmes cap, and a ginormous cowboy boot). 

Flynn had flopped into one of the chairs, only moving to help Julie zip up her dress. Then she returned to the chair while Julie sat in front of the mirror doing her own makeup. (Wasn't TV supposed to have a makeup person? Oh well.)

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Julie said.

"Ten minutes to curtain, Ms. Molina." Julie turned around from the mirror to find an orange man with glasses and a headset poking his head in.

"Thank you, um..."

"Scooter."

"Thanks, Scooter," Julie said.

He drew up, as if he'd just gained an inch of height or a ton of confidence. Julie wondered how often he was thanked. 

"You're welcome, Ms. Molina." He closed the door.

Flynn stood up. "Oh, man, was that guy orange? Is it just me or are his eyes actually inside his glasses?"

Julie laughed.

"Knock knock." Alex poked his head through the door. Eyes closed. "The guys wanted me to check if you were decent, Julie."

Julie giggled. "You can come in."

Alex walked through the door, followed by Reggie and Luke.

Reggie was bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Julie, we just saw Kermit when we were sneaking in."

Julie stared at him blankly.

"You really..." Alex shook his head. "Right, this is a revival, the original was before you were born. Julie. _We are on the Muppet Show_ and Kermit and Miss Piggy and Gonzo and all the rest are here!"

"Imagine getting to work with Barney," Luke said.

Julie looked at him blankly again. "Who's Barney?"

Reggie scrubbed a hand over his face. Then he got it. "Imagine playing Sesame Street."

Julie made a squeally noise.

"Yes, that." Reggie bounced on his heels. 

There was a knock at the door. 

"Come in," Julie said.

In walked a small, purple... Julie wasn't sure. He had a long, hooked beak, googly eyes, and was wearing a purple, ruffled coat that reminded her of one of the classic Doctors.

"Oh my gosh, it's Gonzo!" Reggie started bouncing again.

"Oh my gosh, it's the phantoms!" Gonzo exclaimed. "I thought Bunson set your equipment up to project on the stage!"

"You can see us?" Luke asked.

"Oh my gosh he can see us!" Reggie squealed.

"How come that.. Whatever can see them and I can't?" Flynn asked.

"I'm not a whatever, I'm a weirdo," Gonzo said. "And my eyes have a different visual range than yours."

"What, like a dog?" Reggie asked.

"Dogs can't see us either," Luke pointed out.

"They're real!" Gonzo said. He spun around in an excited circle. "The phantoms are real! This is _so cool_."

"Gonzo is excited to see us!" Reggie squealed, grabbing Luke's arm as he bounced. Luke shrugged him off before he was pulled over.

"The phantom is excited that I'm excited!" Gonzo said, whirling again.

Julie giggled, amused by the mutual geeking out.

"My name's Reggie. This is Luke and Alex." Reggie had stopped literally jumping up and down, but he was still rocking on the balls of his feet.

"Any chance you want to be shot out of a cannon, caught by a giant crab, and then flung into a giant tub of whipped cream?" Gonzo asked.

"Um..." Reggie's eyes grew wide. He looked over at Alex and Luke.

Julie was afraid he might actually agree.

"No one else is going to be able to see you, Reggie." Alex squeezed his shoulder.

"Wait, what?" Gonzo asked, freezing in place. "Bunson has the projector equipment over the stage, it'll be fine!"

"Yeah, but the projector equipment doesn't wo...." 

Luke had covered Alex's mouth with his hand. "What he means to say is that the projector equipment doesn't work that way--it can't really shoot anything out of a canon; we're not solid here."

"I really wish I could." Reggie frowned, bowing his head.

"Oh well," Gonzo hung his head. "Maybe Kamilah Al-Jamil will do it with me next week."

"I'm sorry, Gonzo, I really wanted to," Reggie said as the purple whatever sulked out of the room.

Alex whacked him upside the head. "What were you thinking?"

"Alex, careful, we still need him to play tonight." Luke grabbed Alex by the collar, pulling him away from Reggie.

"Give him a break." Julie stepped between them. "He just wanted to perform with his hero." Julie couldn't blame him--she'd jump up to play with J-Lo in a heartbeat.

"What's your problem? It's not like I can die twice!" Reggie leaned his chin on Julie's shoulder.

"And when the projector doesn't 'work'?" Luke crossed his arms. 

Reggie shook his head. "We don't know I wouldn't appear."

Julie would have suggested trying it, if the consequences weren't exposure. Not to mention Reggie's deep disappointment.

"We don't know you would," Luke snapped.

"Guys, calm down," Alex said. "Luke's right, Reggie. If you didn't appear when you were meant to it would blow our cover."

Reggie huffed.

"And then you'd disappoint Gonzo _and_ embarrass him," Julie added. "It's really better this way."

"I never thought I'd be jealous of a little blue guy." Flynn flopped back onto a chair. "There's actual band squabbles and I don't get to hear them!"

"Reggie's mad because he wanted to do the stunt, but we don't know if it would work because Gonzo and I might be the only ones who could see them," Julie summarized.

There was another knock on the door. Then it swung open to reveal a pig wearing a leopard print shirt, a pencil skirt, and a pearl necklace. "Oh, hello! Miss Julie! I was hoping you could introduce me to those lovely phantoms who perform with you."

Reggie started bouncing up and down again. "Miss Piggy wants to meet me! Hi, Miss Piggy!"

Alex was standing near her and waved a hand in front of her face.

There was no reaction.

"Damnit," Alex said. "I was hoping she could see us too! I have so many questions!"

"I'm sure they would love to meet you, Miss Piggy, unfortunately the theater bandwidth isn't very good and we're going to need to save it for the show," Julie said smoothly. It usually worked.

"Can you perhaps give me their email addresses?" Miss Piggy asked. "I would love to set up a video chat some other time."

Reggie covered his eyes with his hands. Julie wanted to hug him, but a) It would look weird and b) while he might go corporeal, Miss Piggy still wouldn't be able to see him--which brought her back to a.

"I wish we could, but I'm afraid their English isn't very good," Julie said smoothly. "I could pass something along?"

Miss Piggy's voice dropped two octaves. "Listen, kiddo," she grabbed the front of Julie's shirt, pulling her down so that Julie's nose was pressed against her snout. "I know you're really protective of your bandmates, but I broke up with the frog five years ago, I still haven't found a new love, and I'm not getting any younger, you know what I'm saying?"

Reggie's jaw dropped.

"Hey, let go of her!" Alex scooped Miss Piggy up, setting her down a couple feet away from Julie.

"What was that?" Miss Piggy frowned looking around.

"The drummer, Alex," Julie said. She wouldn't be believed. "He didn't like you manhandling me."

Miss Piggy crossed her arms. "And yet I can't talk to him? Also, feminist to feminist, find a different word."

Like what? Pig-handled? (OK, yeah, so "manhandled" was a little sexist, to be fair.)

"If you're such a feminist, how come you're not Ms. Piggy?"

"You can't hear him, so no," Julie said. "Also, Alex just asked why you're still using Miss Piggy instead of Ms. Piggy."

She suddenly wanted to know, too.

"Feminism is about choices and moi prefers Miss." Piggy pressed a hand to her heart, leaning back. "Besides, at the time I was coming up 'Miss' was allegedly more feminine and do you know how much work it is to change a name once you're established? There's a reason Prince went back to Prince, you know."

"I thought that was a record contract thing," Julie said.

"That too," Miss Piggy said. "You want to explain to me how someone in Sweden chucked me across the room like that?"

Julie decided that she was talking to a pig and a blue whatever and to just go with the weird. "It's in the band name: he's a phantom."

Miss Piggy drew up, huffing. "You're as weird as Gonzo."

She stalked out, slamming the door behind her.

Alex frowned. "Well, that sucked. I'm sorry she was picking on you."

"That was so cool!" Flynn said.

Julie turned, cocking her head at her best friend.

"I'm glad Alex threw her off of you like that--her grabbing you wasn't cool," Flynn corrected.

There was another knock.

"Come in," Julie said.

Scooter poked his head in. "Three minutes to curtain, Miss Julie."

Julie grinned, crossed her wrists, and gave the boys a double thumbs up.

"See you out there," Luke said with a grin.

Julie followed Scooter to the wings of the stage, excited to get out in front of another audience. Flynn followed behind, intent on watching from the sidelines.

Julie opened the curtain just a crack, peeking out into the audience. It was full of pigs, frogs, chickens, and a few funny colored humans like Scooter. Above the far end of the stage was a box seat where two wrinkly old men sat.

Kermit peeked out next to her. "Good crowd. Oh, good grief! I can't believe Statler and Waldorf are back. Just ignore them; they hate everything."

"Good to know."

"Piggy wasn't... She can come off kind of rude sometimes, but she means well." Kermit sank a little bit as he let the curtain go and backed up.

"She was fine, don't worry." 

"Phew," Kermit said. "Are you ready for this?"

"Kermit, I was born ready."

"Ok, here we go!" Kermit said.

He ran out on the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to introduce to you a band that has been making a big stir on the Los Angeles music scene. Here in their television debut is Julie and the Phantoms. Ya-a-ay!" Kermit waggled his arms in excitement as he ran off the stage.

Julie stepped out onto the stage as the curtain opened, ready to play with her boys.

End


End file.
